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Watch out – it’s the round-up! And it’ll rot your teeth if you aren’t careful.
Well, it won’t, but it will fill your brain with so much fluffy, empty-calorie goodness that you won’t get any work done and will probably nip off at 4pm for an early pint.
Ah well, it’s Friday, let’s take a look anyway. Surely ONE bite couldn’t hurt could it?
Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats! Hellooooooooooooo!
There's nothing we can say that will be anywhere near as amazing as this picture, so we'll just let you revel in the glory that is Lion-O Richie. Kudos to artist Matthew Rex for winning the internet this week.
Quit your daydreamin' and get a job, hippy!
Are you filled with hopes and dreams, many of them beyond the ken of mortal man?
Of course you aren’t, no one is. Most people dream about things like possibly painting the spare bedroom, or one day owning a small semidetached house in Peterborough.
If however, you’re one of those weirdos who wants to swim with a dolphin or ride in a balloon then you should probably check out "This Life Is", which will help you ‘Organise your dreams’ and share the results.
It’s quite lovely, although my last dream was about a giant duck chasing me around my old school hall during a jumble sale, so not sure how they’d organise that...
How far can Legolas see?
Not far enough to see Justin Bieber coming apparently, but still, a pretty looooong way. If you’re into elves and... erm... wendigos and stuff, then watch this to find out exactly how good those magical peepers really are.
Remember, you’ll never get these five minutes of your life back.
Summer, summer, summer tiiiiime
It’s THE SUMMER! Hooray! As all marketers know, summer is a time when we all take six weeks off and laze around listening to the cool cool sounds of hip new bands*, but where are they?
If only there were some kind of awesome new site that would point you in the direction of all the music festivals** happening near you…
*Summer may actually contain loads of work and a sudden feeling of dread when I realise I haven’t compiled the monthly report yet.
**Except my favourite one. More on that later.
Where to find WiFi when WiFi can't be found
Okay, so you’ve made it to a festival. Now, how are you going to check in, and upload those selfies? Better check there’s some good WiFi nearby huh? That’s where SignalReview comes in, and darn useful it is too.
It’s currently telling me there’s no good WiFi in central London, but that’s probably because I’m on [CARRIER NAME REDACTED], amirite?
He's learnin' on his own time! Get him!
Music festivals and WiFi. Huh, who needs these new-fangled things for young people when you can stay at home being grumpy and watch a documentary? Sounds pretty exciting, huh? YEAH it does.
Luckily this exists, meaning that instead of watching Morgan Spurlock stuff his face and think ‘wow, like, corporations are, like, bad y’know?’ at the end of it, you can actually learn something.
Windows '95 is your father
When you get a new computer, what do you do with the old one?
That’s right, you stick it in the basement ‘in case you need it later’. You never do, but have you ever wondered what happens to those ageing Operating Systems, lurking down there in the dark?
Find out what happens when they finally reach self-awareness, with the incredible Windows 95 Tips, Tricks, and Tweaks. Warning: contains existentialism.
Can Snoop recognise himself in a mirror?
What’s my name? Well, it certainly isn’t Snoop (to be honest if I was a hip hop megastar I’d probably go with ‘MC Breadbin’).
But is even Snoop *really* called Snoop? And if he is, how does he know? It’s all rather confusing, but it hasn’t stopped Dr. Alexandra Horowitz, head of Barnard's Dog Cognition Lab (yes, a dog cognition lab), from figuring out if Snoop is more or less self-aware than an actual dog.
Look, just trust me on this and check it out ok?
Now you can fire a dead pig into orbit
You know you’ve always wanted to. Give Fido the graceful send-off he deserves by burning him, strapping him to 50,000lbs of liquid explosive propellant, and firing him into outer space.
Who knows, maybe he’ll crash land on a planet of Amazon poodles who need him to be their king.
We don't need no water (even though we're actually in the sea)
Alas, Eastbourne Pier is no more. It’s always tragic when a historical seafront appendage goes up in flames, but, as this excellent article over at BoingBoing points out, building something entirely out of wood and then coating it in creosote isn’t exactly the best way to satisfy health and safety regulations.
(On a side note, I grew up in Weymouth, which had the good sense to blow its own major tourist attraction to smithereens back in the 80s. Forward planning in action).
Shameless girlfriend-pleasing shout out corner
Earlier this week, my girlfriend caught the bus. On that bus was a bunny. In a basket. With a basketball.
Anyway, Time Out picked it up after I shamelessly put it online, and now she’s probably going to head off and become the world’s number one rabbit photographer or something.
Whatever, it’s quite cute – feel free to add comments about wishing you were a little bit taller below.
Because Accept are on, that's why
Right, that’s it. I’m taking the internet on holiday. We’re going to my favourite festival ever (you hadn’t forgotten about that had you?), in Germany this weekend.
Want to come? Strap on your leathers then, you can watch the whole thing here. Accept are playing.